Why people choose to stay in an abusive relationship
I will lose my home, possessions, money and children and I will not be able to support myself.
There are many reasons why people choose to stay in abusive relationships. Those who have never suffered abuse often wonder why an abused person wouldn’t just walk away from such a relationship. Breaking up with an abuser can be more complicated than it seems.
According to Safe House Stellenbosch one in every four women are victims of abuse.
An individual in an abusive relationship hasn’t been a victim since yesterday. Almost all the time the abuse has been going on for years, getting worse each time. In this eroded emotional, mental and physical state, the victim tries to rationalise not leaving.
These are the reasons some of those who stay will give:
• I will get abused even more or even killed if I reach out for help.
• I will lose my home, possessions, money and children and I will not be able to support myself.
• I love my partner, and hope he/ she will change.
• I believe I must keep the family together – everyone says so.
• My brother/ sister said I can’t come back to her place after the last time – I have nowhere to go.
• I don’t deserve better.
• I’m trapped. I may not leave the house and/ or don’t speak the language.
• I’m afraid of being alone.
• My partner will lose his/ her job or fall apart without me.
• I’ll be a disappointment to my family.
Steps one can take
It’s essential to build outside resources and talk about what’s going on in your relationship. A professional is the best person, because you can build your self-esteem and learn how to help yourself without feeling judged or rushed into taking action. If you can’t afford private individual therapy, find a low-fee clinical in your city, learn all you can from books and online resources, join online forums, and find a support group at a local battered-women’s shelter. Do this even if it means keeping a secret. You’re entitled to your privacy.
Some other steps you can take to prepare for an emergency:
• Open bank accounts and credit cards in your own name.
• Have a safe place to go at a friend or relative.
• Have a bag packed at that place with necessities and important legal papers, passport, bank information, credit cards, phone book, and money. Also pack clothes for your children and some toys.
• Alert neighbours to call the police if they hear loud noises or suspect danger.
• Have extra car and house keys made. Hide a car key outside so you can get away.
• If there is weapon in the home, remove it.
Remember, by not confronting abuse to avoid the risk of losing someone’s love, you risk losing yourself.
Sources: https://loveisrespect.org, https://www.safehousestellenbosch.co.za and https://www.psychologytoday.com
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