This is me – raw and uncut
WELTERVREDEN PARK – Co-founder of Break the Shame Elani Richardson speaks out about addiction.
Elani Richardson (29) describes her addiction story as not being different. However, the Break the Shame
co-founder says that she felt that the truth about addiction needed to be shared with as many people as possible.
She is the middle child of three daughters and was the only one who was an addict. “Even though I was the addict in my family, I did not blame anyone for it. The simple truth of the matter is that after years of pain in active addiction, I have come to accept that I am an addict and I will be for the rest of my life,” said Richardson
She explained that she always felt like the odd one out and alcohol made it easier for her to cope. However, she told of how the alcohol also made it easier for the introduction of drugs and alcohol addiction to creep into her life. “I drank for the first [time] when I was nine years old, and to be honest, that was the day that I fell in love and my world got better. I finally felt I had found a way out,” she explained.
Richardson said that she had learned from a very young age how to shut the door on her problems rather than face them, she would run away from them by using drugs, alcohol, and destructive behaviour. She was under the illusion that it made them disappear and that drugs and alcohol would solve them.
As her life went on her addiction got worse by the day. “I was in denial and didn’t think I had a problem. I battled with an eating disorder and naturally, I would take more drugs because yes, I did lose weight but no one told me what I would find out later. I had a miscarriage as a result of my drinking but soon fell pregnant again, celebrating with a glass of wine,” added Richardson.
“I’ve been in horrific car accidents, I’ve been in jail, I’ve lied and I’ve cheated — I did whatever I had to in order to keep my addiction going, until January 2010.”
Then she booked herself into treatment, but not because of drugs and alcohol. “I went there because I had an eating disorder and I was depressed. To me, those were the real issues, not my drugs, and alcohol. It was only while I was in treatment that I realised the damage I had done, how destructive I was and, how I messed up.” She added that her “rock bottom” was when she realised all the emotional damage she had done.
Richardson has now been clean and sober for almost five and a half years. “Who knows if I will make it to six years clean and sober? All I know is that just for today, I am clean and sober and I am incredibly grateful.”
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