Geenpretoriameria — Laat ek dadelik met my alie in die tender botter val. Of so iets. This is part two to last weeks insightful glance into our banana republic. This week some more food for thought, sinewy B-grade biltong if you want. Again. Don’t be fooled again. Think before you draw your cross next year. Some interesting facts. Read it and weep.
This Meerkat is proud to present our fêntêstiek goewerment’s list of achievements over the past 19 years …
• In the 19 years of ANC rule unemployment has gone up by 60 per cent!
• South Africa is now the rape capital of the world.
• After 19 years of ANC rule we have achieved the dubious distinction of being 140th on a world list of 144 countries for our education department.
• We are officially the country where the most hijackings take place.
• We are also on the top ten list for the most murders. Mooi man.
• In 19 years the rand-dollar exchange rate has gone from R3,41 to approximately R10.
• During ANC rule the petrol price has gone from R1,73 to R13 odd per litre. Think e-toll as well and then please pass me the Vaseline!
• In 19 years our defence force has gone from being the iron fist of Africa, and mentioned in the same breath as the Israeli Army – which is one of the best in the world – to a laughing stock that can’t defend Disneyland from an invasion of fluffy toys!
• On the list of most corrupt governments they have given us a special place right at the top. Ons moet seker darem on top of something wees!
• In 19 years we have 10 times more people in squatter camps and 1 000 per cent more illegal immigrants.
• In 19 years our roads, railways, military, police, municipal services, old age homes, hospitals and orphanages literally have fallen apart and are worth nothing anymore.
• No other country on the planet has more convicted criminals in their parliament than us! Kwaai nê!
• 25 per cent of all South African school girls are HIV+.
• Our school girls had 100 000 abortions last year and those are only the legal ones!
Ag doesn’t that give you that lekker warm feeling? Similar to when you urinated in your jean pant?
But without any further ado, this week’s Stupid People Shouldn’t Breed Award is shared by … Police Commissioner Riah “Marikana, what massacre?” Phiyega, Gauteng Premier Nomvula Mokonyane and Major General (nogal) Mondli “I have a ball of pap stuck in each cheek” Zuma. To call the trio the three stooges would be an insult to idiots everywhere. First how can Phiyega not have known about the pending disciplinary action regarding an incident where the upstanding Zuma (jislaaik lyk my droogmaak is ‘n Zuma-ding!) failed a breathalyser test at a roadblock and then fled the scene! Great example Majoor. I’ll keep the tactic in mind next time some overweight JMPD officer try and get a bribe from me! Then the liewe Premier. Die aanstelling moes deur haar ook goedgekeur word. Um … journalists Googled it and got the info within five minutes. Then Majoortjie homself. His appointment lasted a full five hours. Did he really think he would get away with it … wait, after all it is South-Africa!
Yip fellow Sêf Efricans this has BS written all over it!
Until next week. Braai the beloved country!
